star_kingdom | [Video] Chess

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[Video] Chess

[The heartless have been getting to quite a few people lately. It's hard to tell at first whether Ami is one of them. She's inside, seated at a small table and playing chess against herself. Masters of the game would note the arrangement of the board as a very famous end game maneuver. She's testing it again, noting its weaknesses and the ways to defend against it.

It's keeping her mind off the shadows, and the things that always seem to not-quite-be-there when she looks. It's keeping her mind off the doubts, the worries, the insecurities. But there's very little of her usual gentle smile despite the seeming calm. She has a perhaps not-so-incongruous question.]

What are the things you do to relax and unwind your mind?

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I don't exactly understand. [Innocence is, well, innocence; a state of being. Philosophy, perhaps religion. Noah... she, like many non-Christians, is still vaguely familiar with the Biblical tale of the flood. But what does this all have to do with a science laboratory?]

Oh! I guess Kanda hasn't tried to explain. [Well, they're not exactly open about it and Kanda isn't the type to volunteer information like this.]

We're Exorcists, but that's because each of us is able to use something called innocence. Only certain people resonate with innocence, so it's kind of like being chosen. I was very little when the order found me. [She frowns, and swiftly changes the subject.] It's a weapon and it's the only strength we have against the Noah and their akuma. There's a lot we don't know about it, so the more we can find out, the better.

Brother and the other people who work in the department are all very smart. They do their best to help us in ways that don't involve being out fighting for the order.

[She knows only the barest from Kanda. This makes sense, and she nods slightly; it's not unlike being chosen as a senshi, she supposes, though that had been a fate from their past lives.]

It must be a good feeling, to have been chosen and special. [It's spoken neutrally; right now, she's being blocked from thinking of herself being blessed.]

[There's an awkward moment of silence.]

...I'm glad that I can help protect people from knowing about the existence of the Noah and the Akuma, but I wouldn't call it being special. [Her tone sinks.]

It's not an easy thing, our world is ... was in the middle of a war [It's gone now, isn't it? Lenalee wonders, sometimes.]/small> I've seen a lot of people I consider friends die. But... I wouldn't change anything. I'm glad I can protect the people who can't do it for themselves.

[Another time, she'd be so much more sympathetic, perhaps even say she understands. But that's beyond her right now. It's been beyond her for months, but she's kept going through the motions - until now.]

A lot of the people here also had trouble in their worlds.

[She blinks, startled by the implication.]

Oh. I don't mean to implay that... [She trails off, frowning.]

I'm sure that's true. [Perhaps it's just a sixth sense for these sorts of things, but something feels off.]

[Lenalee's right, and even as she says it, Ami feels slightly guilty for being harsh and cold. But it's so hard, the more she gives way to it, to stop. It seems to keep coming from her no matter what - and of course it makes things worse, a never-ending spiral down, downward.]

You were a warrior, though. That can be said to be admirable.

[Her lips curl upward slightly at that. It's nice to look at it that way.]

I suppose. I prefer it if they don't know what it is we actually do. [of course, people know about the order back home, but not exactly what it is they do.]

Is what you do something you regret? [It's not entirely different from Ami herself, perhaps, who's never been sure she can reconcile being a healer with a being a soldier.]

No! Of course not. [she frowns.] I know what we're doing is the right thing. We're trying to save the world. But I wouldn't want people to know about the things we see sometimes.

It would be too much for a lot of people.

[she lets out a small sigh.] I suppose, if our world really is gone, we aren't really exorcists, anymore.

Our worlds are gone. [She says that, at least, with certainty.] We know that. We just decide how to face it.

[Silence. Lenalee hasn't really let herself face it. Hanging on that her world still existed somehow meant that her brother and friends were still alright.]

..Mm. [it's a quiet, wordless answer.]

[With several of her friends returned lately, she knows it's possible to come and go, to be saved and to be lost. With the heartless lately, it's just hard to focus on the saved.]

I think... I won't struggle so hard for awhile.

[what?]

Ah... what do you mean by that?

[the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. This feels wrong. This is not the same girl she'd talked to back when she arrived in Traverse town.]

I want to rest for awhile. [It sounds good, even better as she says it. Lay down. Let someone else handle things. She's too tired, and too weak anyway, and she can't hold things together.]

.... Ami [that was her name right? She couldn't remember if they'd properly introduced themselves, but she'd heard her name from Kanda.]

It sounds like you're going through something difficult. Is there anything I can do?

[In a perverse trick of the mind, it all makes it harder to ask for, or receive, help - and she'd never been good at showing this face anyway.]

I'm fine.

[That's okay, Lenalee is familiar with this type of brush off. It doesn't work really well on her anymore.]

Are you sure? [there's a frown.] I may not know you very well Ami, but I can tell something's bothering you.

I've just begun to realize some things about being here.

...What sorts of things? [she tilts her head to the side. It's a shame she has no idea where Ami is right now, or she would be more inclined to see her in person]

I think I've begun to realize it may be hopeless.

It may seem like it... [oh she's struggled with this thought a bit herself.]

But I think there's still a chance that things could get better here, we just can't give up yet.

I wish you luck with them. [Though not cruel or taunting, there's a certain formality to the words that suggests she has little faith in them.]

[She frowns.]

I'm not going to give up on you, either Ami. You sound like you're drowning.

You only arrived a little while ago, didn't you? [The question is honest, or at least calling attention to it without being particularly meaningful.]

You'll understand when you've been here awhile longer.

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[Video] Chess

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